We've all been there. It doesn't matter how you ended up as a single mother, there is always an onslaught of keyboard warriors out there ready to fit you into their neat little, bigoted box.
I can't count the number of times reading comments on threads has had me close to tears.
I want to scream "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!", As I unleash a hot can of vitriolic abuse all over their judgemental faces.
So without much further ado let's explore what makes our blood boil, and laugh at it. Because honestly? It's all bullshit. 📷😘
1. "They just want to scrounge off the state."
Ah yes, welfare Mommy. Pushing an eight seat pram through the street in her stained jogging bottoms with a cigarette in each orifice of her face. She's shouting "Shut up!" at her snotty little army. Her womb is a chalice of fertility, as she can reproduce at the rate of 5 kids per 3 years to keep her tax funded pay-check going. By the time her kids are teenagers she can literally squat down in a bush and give birth whilst swigging frosty jacks cider. She owns a 50 inch television but her children don't have pants.
2. "The stupid slut..."
For some reason there is an Urban myth that assumes several men are involved in getting a woman pregnant, last time I checked in with a biologist they told me it takes only one. The fact that said female ended up single is unrelated to the amount of men she has slept with.
3. "She's just a Golddigger."
Oh yes, the monumental task of keeping another human being alive is pacified by the often minimal or non existent maintenance from absent fathers, in fact it was worth it just to get my nails done every other week and some badass jeans... Unless Kayne West has sired your child, reproducing for money is not on the agenda.
4. "She wants me to play Daddy."
You've got it wrong buddy, I want you to take the bins out and fix my sink. Then you can get lost.
5. "There will be baby daddy drama."
When my doorbell rang the other night I found baby daddy reaneacting the latest Star Wars movie with various fruits. It was dramatic to say the least. It happens about three times a month. The police won't take me seriously.
6. "The ex can always smash"
Oh I'm sorry I didn't realise that having a child with somebody and then breaking up with them gave them an All Season Pass to my vagina. Also making the assumption that I don't have my own sexual autonomy is disgraceful.
7. "There must be a reason she is on her own"
She's a man trapping succubus who snatched a poor unsuspecting man's DNA then proceeded peel off his skin. Her vagina literally sucked him in like a Dyson and he was powerless to stop it. The sperm was dragged from his testicles into the demon egg and somehow fertilised. He ran screaming from her like Olly Murs in Selfridges when someone popped a packet of crisps. (Type in Olly Murs Selfirdges into Google for more details).
8. "They are desperate"
She can sniff a penis a mile away and like a bloodhound she chases the scent until she reaches the target, ready to pounce. On each date she is drumming her fingers to the tune of "Here comes the bride" on the table. She has set up a cartoon style man catching trap outside her door because since having kids you have somehow become Gods gift to women. (Unfortunately you are still a creep)
9. "She won't have time for me"
Neither does any woman with some semblance of a life. You shouldn't have too much time to spare either, and if you do, you are probably unemployed. (Helpful hint: get a job)
10. "She's a bad mum"
I don't know about you but I've lost count of the amount of times I have thrown my children off a building or sent them to nursery without any clothes on.
11. "She has men in and out of her kids lives"
Her bedroom is busier than Heaththrow airport in July. It's practically a conveyor belt of men for "Daddy Auditions"