I realised the other day that my house is so germy that it could double up as a biological weapon.(on the plus side my kids probably have immune systems of steel). I look to my left and there is a pile of washing that has been waiting patiently for me to put it away for nearly a week now(I have formed the habit of just dressing from the pile of a morning, as it's quicker). The dishes are sitting precariously in the sink, the bin is overflowing. If anyone I fancied knocked on the door at that moment they would run screaming for the hills. My child is on the shitter, eating bread. Something needed to be done, before I called environmental health on myself. So I found a system, and I think it works. Spread the word. Neat freaks need not apply. This is for those of you that find yourself crunching across the Rice Krispie equivalent of a Nightingale floor when you go to get a drink at night. This is for those of you that have found fossilised cereal bars in strange places. This is for the mums that are so god damn busy the last thing they want to do of an evening is clean. (Because let's face it, lying on the sofa in a partial coma/social media haze is so much better).
Apparently there's a little cleaning fairy that lives inside all of us. Granted, mine probably took a trip to Tijuana, Mexico for a few years but she's back now, and she's sharing her secrets.
1. Even if it kills you. Never go to bed with a full sink of dishes. Exceptions made if you are literally dying of meningitis. Other than that, clear that sink before bed. You will wake up with a kitchen that looks breakfast-ready.
2. Arrange you and your children's outfits before bed. Socks included. Mornings run so much smoother.
3. Clean in bursts. Don't wait until you are wading through pizza boxes until you decide to clean. Do short intervals several times a day, even if there's an ad break on. Consistency is the key.
4. Get the kids to help. Even if it's something small like putting clothes away. If they are too small, strap them into the closest strapable chair and clean away. If they are at an age where strapping is not an option and they are too young to help,give them your phone and hope for the best.
5. Throw away shit you don't want/need once a month. Donate clothes to charity where possible.
6. Don't do a Poundland haul every week. Poundland haul=clutter.
7. Arrange your clothes light to dark like a store. It's oddly soothing.
8. Start with the most dreaded/disgusting task first. Set a timer for ten minutes while you do it. You will be amazed at how much you get done.
9. If you know who Mari Kondo is mentally tell her to go fuck herself. Several times.
10. When you find yourself putting something down, instead get up and put it in the bin.
These small steps helped me turn my home from biohazard to passably liveable in a relatively short time. I am now proud to say I eat my cereal from a clean bowl instead of the last clean mug. I should be in House and Home magazine just for that.